I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
