you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
