i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can Purell be used as lube?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
