You just made me feel so damn special
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
