my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
