Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
