Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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