I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
