Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
