I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
