Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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