so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
