Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
