Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
