i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
