Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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