That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
