I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
