she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
