Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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