for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
