so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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