From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
