He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize