Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
