I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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