I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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