the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's blow job season.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
