how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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