The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
