so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
