I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
