we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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