if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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