new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
