last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
