and she was petting her beer can
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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