I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just invented taco cereal.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
BRING THE BAGELS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
