I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
