Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
