nut hugger
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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