I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
