When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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