highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
