just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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