Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize