so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
