put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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