I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
