whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
