i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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