I just cut my nipple shaving
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
