Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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