I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
