and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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