Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
