we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im holly from the hills drunk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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