Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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