Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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