gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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