I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
