Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
