I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
