We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
