I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
