THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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