Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
