why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
