a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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