Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This house was built for laser tag.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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