Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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